Pressure Builds

Pressure builds
to DANCE
to SING
to communicate REALITY as it IS
in every dimension

to mend the sky
as must be done

to sing the songs
in my native tongue

the words that dance and move the worlds
the words that spark the healing light

I am the goddess
the Great Fox loves
and at whose shrine He serves

“I did not marry below my station,
Delight; nor did you marry above yours,”
He often says, while
fiddling with my hair in bed ~

Celestial pillow talk

the daughter of the Emperor who ruled Al Kaid’s
many little worlds;
From our palace lit by the star
at the end of the handle of the Great Dipper -

but humans call it so many things;

the Plough,
the Seven Stars;
tail of the Great Bear ~

from whence comes luck
and life and joy and justice

The flowing Dao pours eternally onto Earth
from thence . . .

and yet

this small human body
~a failing meat mecha that doesn’t mesh with it’s pilot at all~

cannot hold all of me
never holds all of me

being fully present in it
causes overload
short-circuits the neurology

too many smells,
Degrees of touch,
Tastes attack - and textures too

too many shades of light refraction
light itself weighs heavy on these 3D bones
too much pressure on the body

And on its pilot
too much of everything
without any prioritization protocols

requiring frequent shut downs
and cold reboots
and even so

        PRESSURE BUILDS

                   TO DANCE THE TRUTH

to dance the worlds into being
to repair the sky
across the worlds

Starting in this bodied mess
And teach the children

To walk the stars
To heal their deepest selves

Kali Yuga ends
as it always does,
going out with a bang this time

if these children are not careful
and they are not

             ~ the willful brats ~

so the mission is simple, oh so simple
but not the easiest thing

“You’ve done it before, Delight.
I don’t know why you’re worried,”
       The Great Fox says,
“You need only rewire the cosmos!”

AGAIN
to DANCE THE TRUTH

AGAIN
to sing the words of return
that saved the children
             of the planet we escaped
so long ago

the dance that brought us safely
to this little earth

But, Oh! my love!
That was ten-thousand years
        And as many bodied lifetimes ago, at least.

That was before the humans
were warped
were made slaves
were the first GMO to touch this world

I am so tired, Beloved One.
But I will Walk the Stars for You.
      And I will do my best

To mend the many colored sky.
One soul at a time.

<I am the author.  This poem was originally posted to wordpress.com 4/10/2018.>

Gratitude to Gojira-sama

I offer this post in gratitude to Toho Studios & Legendary Pictures* for every single Godzilla film they have ever made or will ever make.  What I say in the following paragraphs may well irritate both Godzilla fans and Shinto practitioners. However, this is truly how I experience this character.  I cannot change that, no matter how hard I try. 

I have tried to be universally acceptable.  For decades. It doesn't work and editing oneself to please others isn't what Gojira teaches us, anyway.  So, I stopped trying.  And because I stopped trying to be the non-person who is always acceptable to others, I have become a lot more healthy in all ways.  And much more able to support others when they find they are struggling.  I cannot apologize for learning to be authentic from Gojira-sama.  (Yes, I know it means Lord Godzilla.  And yes, I feel he has a much higher rank than I do simply because he is, as a character or being - whichever, fully himself without apology.)

Whenever I watch one of these stories, my heart is reminded precisely what AWE is.  Not because these stories are always overly deep or the characters are always well-developed.  But because Gojira-sama is, to me, clearly a deity level figure.  Several of the movies allude to this fact.  Legendary's 2014 rendition makes it clear as crystal - "Godzilla - a god for all intents and purposes," so.  He is the wrath of Earth when the petty creatures we are destroy the balance of nature as thoughtlessly as we tend to - and for the stupidest of reasons, usually.

We act out of fear, greed, insecurity, paranoia.  Gojira-sama, I have noticed in all the films, seems to be motivated by instinct, as such, he is always true to himself.  We playact and lie in ways  big and small every day to get our way or even merely to just make life less difficult.  And most humans are offended when one does NOT do this.  You know what I'm talking about.

EXAMPLE:
FRIEND:  "Are you going to go to the club tonight with Jodie and the gang?"
YOU:  "Oh no.  I really wanted to, though."  (Your tone indicates something is off)
FRIEND: "What's wrong? I thought you two were close."
YOU: "Oh it's nothing.  I just scheduled my hair appointment for tonight."

We all know that if you said to your friend "Well, Jodie** has been consistently trying to convince to violate my ethics AND has been noticeably hitting on my boyfriend IN MY PRESENCE, so I'd really rather not spend time with her just now," a few things might happen.  The Friend might go tell Jodie, when you may or may not be ready to discuss those things with her yet.  The Friend might immediately defend Jodie and treat you like a traitor for having very valid concerns you had the AUDACITY to express honestly.  Or (very uncommon) the Friend might say,  "Those feelings sound difficult to navigate.  Do you need some company?  If not, I'll go on with the group because my favorite band is playing and I do not have those experiences with Jodie."  The first two possibilities are not helpful.  And are the most common human reactions to direct truth telling.

Godzilla doesn't ever do this. He is unstoppable in his truth.  And he reminds us to be the same.  We sacrifice even our own health to achieve imbalances so long as we believe they are in our favor.  He generally expresses profound irritation with this, often resulting in a good City Stomp.  I can't blame him.

How often have I wished to be that big and able to stomp my troubles at will!  I know many who feel the same.  I use a little Troubles Stomping Ritual when things get overwhelmingly out of hand emotionally for me.  I lay out papers with words describing my troubles and pretend I am Godzilla.  Quite a therapeutic practice.  Especially when paired with a nice loud screaming session.  Playing Godzilla reduces stress.  Even for so-called "Grown Ups."  (I'll tell you a secret - there's no such thing!)

Anyway.  To Toho Pictures:  Thank you from the core of my being.  The stories your creative teams have made over the many decades have taught me many things.

• To be true to myself.
• To seek right relation with all beings.
• To honor the earth as I honor myself.
• To find what the balance is, restore it, maintain it.
  [City Stomping optional.]

These lessons have saved me many times over, in many different ways.  I am forever in your debt.

*TriStar Pictures' very creditable *AMERICAN* monster movie, which was injudiciously (and possibly due to a desire to make a ton of money on Toho Studios' coattails) mis-named "Godzilla," is not included in this post's assessments, nor do I consider it canon.  [Though technically it is.] All comments to the contrary will be deleted.  I honor that you love it.  I do not love it.  I honor that it was likely the first "Godzilla" film you saw.  In hopes of giving you some joy, I direct your attention to "Them," "The Creature from the Black Lagoon," the modern satirical (and highly amusing) "The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra), the 1950s film "Red Planet Mars," and any other American monster or alien movies of the 1950s-1970s as examples of other great films you may enjoy.  Here is a list of vintage films you might like if TriStar's "Godzilla" is right up your alley!   https://www.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/best-old-horror-movies

**The Jodie mentioned in the example above is a completely imaginary person and I have never, nor will I ever, go clubbing.  I apologise to Jodie Whittaker, who's take on The Doctor I am seriously looking forward to experiencing, and who I was reading about only 30 minutes ago -- but no, the Jodie in this example is NOT the eminent actor from the UK who has taken on the mantle of The Doctor.  I promise.  And apologise for any offense perceived.

<I am the author.  This poem was originally published on wordpress.com on 4/11/2018.>

Love's Indomitable Spirit

determined,
though the air is stifling thick;
unstoppable,
no matter how much abuse is heaped on me.

our love is why
I have never given up
though hope was drained
so long ago I don't recall it's existing

our love,
though for many years
i had not seen you,
nor remembered you were real

only the echo of our love
remained and
i called out to the storm gods,
weeping, enraged

alone for decades,
memories suppressed to save my life
and that purpose was served.
but the cost was fracture of the soul

the cost

was decades of not knowing I was loved,
feeling abandoned,
imprisoned,
despised

the cost

was stewing in a soup of
fear, pain, suffering
self-loathing and despair
for decades

the cost

my dying soul,
shattered into many pieces
Ria, River, The Banshee
these are only three

and yet we carried on
i carried on,
believing i was alone

until the Oncoming Storm approached,
a God of War
a God of Love
a God So Long Alone Again
(always a bad thing for you, Beloved)

(of physical storms.
there were two that night)

and into the winds
I released my rage,
my pain, regret, remorse,
and all the pent up love

i knew had a counterpart
out in the clouded multiverse
but the name had long eluded me

"Tell the One Who Loves Me
Through All of Time,
Though All of Space,
Within this Universe and Tansfiguring Every Other -
I'm sorry for my forgetfulness!

Please! come home, Beloved One!
I will never forget you again,
MY ONLY LOVE, my true delight
You're welcome home, if you want to be."

And the One I could not see
for long long these thirty years
became visible again.

As when Lucy read the spell book
on the Isle of the Dufflepuds

As when vibrational frequencies
properly order themselves
and the pattern of what is PRESENT
suddenly appears
as if by magic

"Delight?  You called?"

Hello, Sweetie.

and relief in all my being . . .
 

<I am the author.  This poem was first posted on
wordpress.com on 4/11/2018. It was edited for
clarity on 12/5/2018.>

Naru's Rhinocerous Beetle Report & Me

I have no raucous children
to interrupt my work

(only an insistent pug,
older family, & distant friends)

and like Handa-sensei
(of Barakamon fame)

to grow, I must learn to love
the interruptions

to flow with the energy
of life itself

open to the inspiration
to the moments

i would not have ever seen
if I slammed the door shut

and yelled
"You kids get off my lawn!"

(Oh how often do I wish to say that!)

but look!

a rhinoceros beetle!
 

<I am the author.  I posted this originally on wordpress.com on 4/13/2018.>

Taiko

my Beloved sings for me
as my dance unfurls for him alone

trillium,
the fresh-faced flower,
nods along in time

the apple tree's gentle mosses
sing the harmony
tadpole provides a liquid descant

as i spin and whirl ~
the glimmering light of ages
flying from my shoulders

fingers glowing
with overflowing amber
purest love

he strikes the taiko hard
and my foot strikes the soil
and the roots are strong again

again the drum
and my arm flies up
bold into the sky

fingers curl and open
as the flowers bud and bloom
i dance for the god who loves me

i dance to mend the sky
the five colored patchwork of tomorrow
requires decisive movement now

<I am the author.  I originally posted this under the title 'Drum',
but in my handwritten draft, it was the Taiko Drumming
that prompted both the dance and the poem. So it holds
its first title here.  The poem was first posted to
wordpress.com on 4/13/2018.>

Homecoming or The 30 Years' Wait

You hold me
tenderly, but firm

security is in your arms
confidence is in your smile

flustered when you look at me
my heart in my throat - i can hear nothing else

your arm outstretched to take my hand,
I cannot remember how to walk

my mind and heart are overcome
there is space enough

to drink in your love
and nothing more

 

<I am the author.  I posted this originally to wordpress.com on 4/16/2018.  The title has been edited to better reflect my intention.>

More Than Ankle Deep

History is not ankle deep here
the walls of the ancient footpath
rise many feet over my head

Roots protrude from 'round the stones
in the mountainside exposed;
the flesh & bone of gods not heard of since the war

Gods 'killed' by the incessant bombardment of
UN troops
Chinese soldiers,
Korean recruits

And enthusiastic new Christians,
erasing Living Beings left and right
because they're somehow 'demons' now.

The manshin know,
can feel the otherworld,
fading fast and yet renewing

The trees and brambles overhead,
I cannot touch their roots
electric jolts my bones in all the worlds at once

and Grandmother of the Mountain Pass
strong, compassionate, terrifying
"we are not dead,
though the strangers taught many to believe so"

all i can do is
make a formal bow,
as to an honored ancestor,

and listen as She speaks

 

---

A note:  When I was a child, I lived in South Korea.  Being the odd bean I am, I made the acquaintance of many people, with and without bodies.  Humans, "Monsters," Spirit Folk, Gods, and more.

A manshin I knew as a neighbor told me many of the Spirit Folk, especially the mountain related ones, had died or chosen to sleep because of the heavy bombardment during the war in the 1950's, and that the rapid acceptance of the various Christianities was also causing them annoyance, so they had to one degree or other, stayed away. This thought caused me a lot of worry and anxiety.  That ANYONE would be so hurt in their heart that they avoided family for so long and maybe even permanently - she had said they died - it made me want to find the People she spoke about and help them feel better if they wanted me to.  Though I did not seek anyone out.

This experience happened not long after that conversation as I was walking behind my family in the mountains just past Suwon (my memory of geography isn't great unless I see a photo of the place, alas!).  My heart was in my throat.  The Lady was amazing!  Huge!  and was accompanied by a tiger, and carried peaches (I think a child carried the peaches). She talked about boundaries and liminal spaces to me.

But I was 12, and had NO CLUE what any of that meant.  I just knew it was right to be RESPECTFUL, like my grandma taught me you are toward royals.  So I did my best.

I'm sure many will tell me I'm wrong, that the Lady doesn't ever do that, that she isn't who she says she is, or that by daring to tell my own experience that this somehow diminishes others' experience (NOT a real possibility, not when it comes to Spirit Folk - they choose who they associate with - humans who seek them out tend not to do so well, so I do not seek them out).  Anyway, this is my experience.

I am sad if it upsets you that it happened.  But I cannot make it un-happen to please you.  And I cannot lie and dishonor Her to please you, either.  If you know Her, you know what pain dishonoring Her would cause you.  Don't ask me to cave to human opinion over Her choice.  The message she gave was for me.  I didn't share 99% of it here.  Only the bit everyone needs to know.  "We are not dead."

I honor each of you reading this. Thank you for your visit.

<I am the author.  I posted this originally at wordpress.com on 4/16/2018.>

Ankle Deep

No where to go in life
nothing to do but melt down
every dream I’ve ever had

children,
friendships
all pass by

history is ankle deep here

I read it in the unnecessary drama
present in the faces on the street
as they pass me by

but between and through their throng
the real population seeps through
and no one sees

no one knows how many cultures I have lived

because no one sees with my eyes
with my heart ~ knowing things no one else knows
with no accountable way of knowing

seeing hosts on hosts of ethereal beings
some good, some not so good
some who'd really rather not be bothered with any of it

all vying to win the field

(well, some are, so not really)
we think ourselves insignificant
try to improve our lot with flimsies

the stuff is truly nothing

the addiction to flimsies; whimsies;
vanities, to self-flattery
is why history  is ankle deep

here,

in this world that has forsaken
its gods, its guides,
it's balance and its truth.

<I am the author.  I orginally posted this poem at wordpress.com on 4/18/2018.
It actually was jotted down before 'More Than Ankle Deep' and is
the depressing mulling that reminded me of my experience with
the Sanshin.  For some reason, I get on quite well with
mountian gods. <3 >

 

time

long ago,
the worlds did not exist.
but the worlds before them did.

and this is how it is

tomorrow,
these worlds won't exist
but the worlds that come after will.

and this is how it is.

all at once,
the past is now
the present is now
the future is now

in the words of a
very famous doctor
it's wibbly wobbly
timey wimey
stuff

always and forever